Y los Hijos, ¿Para Cuándo? Thoughts on Motherhood

In many Latin American countries, the month of May means it’s time to celebrate our Madres and the role of motherhood. Each year, as I attempt to be thoughtful and send flowers (or whichever present my mum has hinted at), I’m reminded of the special mother-daughter bond we have, even as we’re separated by distance. 

Each year, I also remind myself  of  the sacrifices she and all mothers have made (body, sleep, social life, money, career!) and I wonder when I might begin that journey myself. After all, it won’t be long before another family gathering, where my tia turns around and asks in front of the whole family: “y los hijos, ¿para cuando?” (When are you thinking of having children?). 

Latin American culture places a strong emphasis on motherhood. So, this year, in honour of Mother’s Day, I wanted to share some thoughts and stories of Latin American women I know who are in different stages of their journey to demonstrate that motherhood is not always a straightforward decision 

Some are mothers, some aren’t and others never will be. The common ground is that they all have thought  about motherhood at some point and whether or not to start a family. 

Miriam

Just turned 30, three children, entrepreneur. Miriam is raising her three boys and running a small business at the same time. She had a bigger business before, but decided to reduce her commitments and downsize so she could dedicate more time to her sons. Miriam is a fun mum. She makes colourful costumes for her children’s school plays. Her first child was a bit of a surprise, the second and third were part of her life plan. 

Karen

Late 30s, her Master’s thesis won several university awards. Not long ago, Karen started a job which she loves. She is dedicating time to her new role before trying for a baby. Her husband is really keen on having children. Karen has been studying women’s menstrual cycles and misconceptions about women's age around pregnancy.

Fer

Mid 30s, single, settled and owns her own house. She has lots of hobbies and loves solo travelling around the world. Fer recently decided she is ready to have a child and doesn’t want to wait any longer, so she has started looking into sperm donors. 

Cristina

Early 40s and has just had her third child. After her first child, Cristina missed a work promotion as she couldn't commit to the hours the promotion required. She was disappointed at the time but doesn't look back. Now she is planning a big continental move in the next couple of years. 

Daniela

48, couldn't get pregnant due to endometriosis. Daniela was devastated as she always wanted to be a mother. After several unsuccessful rounds of IVF, she and her partner decided to adopt. Now her daughter is the light of her life.

Julia

Mid 30s, has a master's degree and a promising career. Conversations around motherhood are always present in most of her social events. When Julia was young, she had baby dolls who she would take out for strolls in a little pram. She was sure she would become a mother one day. She started questioning whether or not to start a family when Julia and her husband moved abroad. When she turned 30, she told herself that if she reached 35 without children, she would never become a mum. Now 35, she doesn't think she is ready to have children and enjoys her freedom. She wonders how not having children will exclude her from certain social circles as her friends are becoming mothers. 

Sara (myself)

Late 20s (fast approaching 30), the thought of sleep deprivation terrifies me. As a young girl I always knew I wanted to get married and have children, but I never really thought about when. As I turned 25, time became something I would think about constantly. My social media was full of pictures of friends getting married and by the time I was 27, all I saw on Facebook and Instagram were baby shower celebrations. At 28, I was being asked by many friends when it would be my turn. Frankly, I don't yet know when I want it to be my turn.

Women all over the world (and especially so  in Latin American culture) are constantly asked this question by family and friends. I have been told many times that the sooner I conceive, the better. Some suggest that I shouldn’t leave it until it’s too late and that I will struggle to cope with a baby if I give birth after 35. 

However, if we think about it, there are many things to take into account:  Many women are at the most important stage of their  careers in their mid-30s; leaving many women having to choose between their careers or motherhood. Moreover,  childcare costs are extremely expensive . 

Additionally, we get stress induced by the idea of our biological clocks. According to the British Fertility Society, on average, there is a decline in female fertility starting in the mid-30s, with lower fertility after the age of 35. A woman’s fertility will continue to decrease every year, whether or not she is healthy and fit because the number and quality of the eggs decreases with age. 

The reality is motherhood is something all women think about at some point in their lives. It can bring so much joy and happiness. But joy and happiness exist in many forms. Being a mother, or not, should not be used as a measure of a woman's worth. There is no right or wrong choice on this subject; the freedom of making this decision without pressure is what’s important.

The variety of experiences shown in this article demonstrates there is no one-size-fits-all approach to motherhood, only a broad range of unique experiences defined by each one of these women’s lives, backgrounds and journeys. 

Happy Mother’s Day to all!