Being a Latinx Fresher at Cambridge

I have always experienced unconscious bias held towards me throughout my education: I’ve often been questioned about my ability to speak English and my capability to get good grades. So when I got into Cambridge to study Psychological and Behavioural Sciences (PBS), I thought to myself, “Yes! This is how I prove everyone wrong. Those hours spent revising have finally paid off. This is where I belong.” 

I had spoken to Cambridge pupils in preparatory sessions. I had become well acquainted with the dreaded ‘imposter syndrome’ and had come to terms that I would eventually experience a  sense of self-doubt like everyone else. Still, I knew I would get over it soon – I know I’m meant to be here, right? That’s what I got wrong, not the fact that I deserve to be here, but thinking that imposter syndrome would go away quickly.

When deciding what college to apply to, I chose Homerton, which is well known for being the most diverse college regarding race, class and ethnicity. Despite this, I was aware  that the college would still be overwhelmingly white. I knew that there would be very few Latinx students in my Fresher’s cohort (to be precise, there are only two of us). However, no one had prepared me for the overwhelming sense of isolation that comes along with that.

I come from South London, an area with many Latino hotspots, so the sudden change to a place where we are far and few was a shock. Don’t get me wrong, everyone I have met so far has been nothing but friendly. Still, there was a unique sense of loneliness that I had never felt before, especially after being raised in a very Colombian household. People were talking about music, TV shows and celebrities who were unfamiliar to me – I was utterly disconnected from this world  because I’d never been part of it. The imposter syndrome I experienced was not only academic, as it may be for other Freshers, but it was also to do with my ethnic identity. 

The moment in which I felt most isolated was during the first BOP (Cambridge slang for a big party). Although I’ve never been one to go out, when I do on rare occasions, I enjoy salsa, bachata and reggaetón. A BOP is known for being one of the key parts of the Cambridge experience, so I bought a ticket to go with three other PBS students and their flatmates. The theme was the Year 2000 (Y2K) which I thought would be fun: costumes and free food – what could go wrong? The night began with a trivia quiz, where my background became strikingly obvious. I knew that I would be of no help from the moment the questions were asked. That familiar sense of otherness that I had tried to ignore started to build up again, but I was still determined to have a good night. When the BOP began, it became clear to me that I was the only Latinx person there. I physically stood out from the crowd, even in the group of people I was with. While everyone was dancing to music that was familiar to them, bonding over shared knowledge of the ‘Y2K era’, I felt  extremely alone. At the early hour of 11PM, I had to find a reason to leave. Thankfully, my friend noticed my heightened anxiety and took me outside. I cried about feeling like an outsider, like I didn’t belong here because while I may have worked as hard as everyone else, my Latin heritage was stopping  me from truly belonging. I spent the rest of that night crying in my room, unable to escape that loneliness, feeling like I wanted to drop out and forget that I had ever left London.

The morning after, my very Colombian parents came to visit me, and I could vent all my feelings to them. We found a Colombian restaurant in Cambridge, owned by a Colombian woman. The owner told me she too had studied at Cambridge, and a sense of reassurance washed over me. The Latinx community may be small in Cambridge, but we’re still here. I remember the restaurant playing salsa, which reminded me of home. I heard everyone speaking in Spanish, my native tongue. Moving forward, I would return to this place to remind myself that I belong here as much as everyone else.

I’d love to say I never experienced that feeling of otherness again, but it’s still there; however, working through it is what matters most. 

My first tip for coping is to connect with other BAME students. Cambridge is a predominantly white institution, but gradually more BAME students are joining. Even if we all come from different backgrounds, we share the sense of  not belonging, and we can bond through that. I remember conversing with a girl in my corridor about how Homerton is the most diverse college, yet is still lacking in diversity – it is comforting to know that other Freshers feel the same way as you. One way of connecting is joining BAME societies; you can attend events, chat to people in group chats, etc. This lessened my sense of otherness as I know other people know how I feel. 

My second tip is to keep your cultural roots. When I first moved into my accommodation, it was a stark change. I was accustomed to the sound of novelas in the background and the smell of sudado de pollo from the kitchen – all things important to my cultural identity seemed to disappear into thin air. To remind me of home, I began to connect myself to my culture more than I ever did before. I do this by listening to a Colombian radio station in the morning, speaking only in Spanish with my parents and occasionally visiting the traditional Colombian restaurant near the town centre. 

My third tip is to remember your reason for being at university. Unlike many other freshers, I didn’t have a good Freshers’ week, and it took me a while to realise that that was okay. As we’ve phased into the more academic aspect of the university, I’ve found myself feeling more and more comfortable. Although I’m still the only Latinx student in my course, I’ve enjoyed the subject, and it’s helped me to cope with that sense of loneliness that occasionally still creeps in. There are fewer big events where you’ll feel like you don’t belong. Additionally, by this point, you would have started to make connections, and surrounding yourself with people who share or understand your experience will help.

My final tip is don’t force yourself to do anything. I know it will be tempting to keep going to events where you feel out of place in the hopes that you’ll have a magical revelation, but that’s not likely to happen. Instead, do things you will enjoy. I never went clubbing because I knew the music and atmosphere would make me feel out of place. Instead, I started doing movie nights with a friend after a long week of PBS work. I began feeling like I belonged at university because I was doing  something I wanted to do, instead of forcing myself to feel uncomfortable for the sake of the ‘university experience’.